Thursday, May 10, 2012

Reclaiming Me

A place where my journey has taken me is in the process of reclaiming who I am.  Throughout my life, I admit that I sort of drifted along like a leaf on the surface of a stream.  My mother left me, we moved around, I did everything I was supposed to do, but I never truly engaged with the world around me, I don't think.  So, instead, I decided to change that, just a little.  Instead, I am choosing to reclaim me.
I needed to jump into the world.

What I'm Supposed to Be

I am supposed to be a twenty-one year old college student.  I was supposed to go to school become some hot-shot in biochemistry or a doctor or something and make a bunch of money.  And, I started school just like that.  I was supposed to be a meek, quiet girl who did what she was told without complaining.  I'm supposed to honor my mother and father by being obedient and apologetic to their faults.  I'm supposed to be the daughter they want.  I'm supposed to follow the norms of society, and grow up to be a proper adult.  I'm supposed to be "normal."  And, I did well enough.  But good enough should never be where you stop.  The world wasn't rewarding my "good enough" well enough once I found out that there was more.

Discovering Who I Really Am

But honestly, that's not who I am. It didn't feel like who I was.  I remembered how right it felt, to start clicker training my dog, to connect with him without violence.  I read books.  I found that I loved psychology, so that was the track I pursued.  Forget biochemistry.  In the same way I studied psychology, I studied the aspects about myself.  I was introverted, but that didn't mean I had to be quiet and hide myself away.  I started shining brighter.  I was obedient, but it stemmed from two parts of myself:  I loved to help others and I loved to practice a sense of self-discipline.  I need to develop those traits yet.  This is what this journey chronicles:  How self-improvement doesn't just help me; it helps everything about me.  It helps my relationships, my social life, and yes, even my dog and his training.  I suppose that I just want to share this experience with the rest of you.

No comments:

Post a Comment